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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23890633">Up in the Sky (I Search for You)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/SlytherinSizeQueen/pseuds/SlytherinSizeQueen'>SlytherinSizeQueen</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Coping, Epistolary, Established Relationship, Flower Language, Fluff and Angst, Grief/Mourning, Happy Ending, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Healer Harry Potter, Implied/Referenced Death in Childbirth, M/M, Minor Hermione Granger/Blaise Zabini, Minor Hermione Granger/Ron Weasley, Minor Luna Lovegood/Ron Weasley, Mpreg, Mpreg Draco Malfoy, POV Draco Malfoy, Post Mpreg, Potioneer Draco Malfoy, letterfic</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 16:02:22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>7,423</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23890633</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/SlytherinSizeQueen/pseuds/SlytherinSizeQueen</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>A year ago, Draco gave birth to a stillborn baby boy. In an attempt to heal and move on, he decides to sit down and write his son a letter on what should have been his first birthday.</p><p>A story about loss, love and 12 letters.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>45</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>265</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>HD Mpreg 2020</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. 2008</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Prompt #34: Post-Loss. Draco writes a letter to his child every year on the day they would’ve been born.</p><p>This is my first attempt at a fic ever. I have read and loved thousands of them, and this fandom has given me so much and continues to do so every day. So, this little thing is me giving something back to all of you. If there’s one trope I love, it’s mpreg, so this was an easy choice to finally do this. </p><p>Extra super duper thank you goes to my lovely beta <a href="/users/Drarrelie">Drarrelie</a> who was so patient with all my questions and basically whipped all this to the shape it is today. Darling, you are so large part of what I love in this community.</p><p>And lastly: This fic is dedicated to my own big brother who I never got to meet but who has been a constant in my life nevertheless. Scorpius' birthday, 12th of May, is the same as my brother's.</p><p><b>Disclaimer:</b> Harry Potter characters are the property of J.K. Rowling and Bloomsbury/Scholastic. No profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>12 May 2008</em>
</p><p>My dearest son, </p><p>I don’t know where to start. I don’t even know if I should start, or if it will make everything worse and harder to bear. But somehow, I feel we owe it to you, and to ourselves. To try, even if I don't know what we are trying yet.</p><p>It’s been a year since that awful day, and yet it feels like yesterday. A whole year since Daddy Harry and I lost the one we loved the most. The one we vowed to always keep safe and sound. You, our baby son. Scorpius.</p><p>Every day, my heart feels heavier. Every day, the hole in my heart grows bigger. And I know Harry feels the same. You were the ultimate manifestation of our love and devotion, and I still can’t believe you won’t be with us. But that’s silly, isn’t it? For you’ll be with us until our last breath. And maybe even after that. Who knows, perhaps we’ll meet you then and get to hold you in our arms at last, without a deadline? It’s certainly something to look forward to.</p><p>The 10th Anniversary of the Battle of Hogwarts was 10 days ago. It’s always a bittersweet day for us — for our generation as a whole —  this year, everything else became secondary when all we could remember was last year. Last year, when it was so close to my due date and I was so big I could hardly walk, for the first time the anniversary was joyful for us. It felt like all of it was worth it, all that pain and death and sorrow, because thanks to it, you would be born into a world in which you would be safe and happy.</p><p>Now I’m just so angry all the time. Why were you taken from us? Why couldn't such happiness be granted to us? We have deserved it — or at least Harry has. Every time we see Hermione and her little Rose, my heart feels like it freezes and I can’t breathe. I haven’t even been able to hold her yet. It hurts too much.</p><p>But make no mistake about this, my little star, you will always be with us. As a constellation in the sky, as a daily reminder to keep going, as we bring flowers to your gravestone in Godric’s Hollow where you rest next to your grandparents, Daddy Harry’s mom and dad. Today, the everlasting bouquet will be Cyclamens. I don’t know how much I’ll be able to teach you, my son, but maybe one thing could be flower language. Merlin knows your Daddy Harry never got the gist of it. He would gladly bring you yellow Carnations on your birthday and be on his way.</p><p>Cyclamens, however, mean ‘ultimate sorrow and resignation’, which seems fitting. On this day, and all 365 days before it.</p><p>With all my love, </p><p>Daddy Draco</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Yellow Carnations mean ‘rejection and disappointment’.<br/>Kudos and comments are life!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. 2009</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>12 May 2009</em>
</p><p>My dear Scorpius,</p><p>It is your birthday again. Two, you are a big boy already, <em>ma petite étoile</em>. </p><p>Summer is almost upon us, it’s already quite warm — Daddy Harry is constantly disregarding all common sense and warnings about his health and is sunbathing on the balcony. Although, I must confess — he is very handsome doing that. You, on the other hand, would have had my alabaster skin, so no sunbathing for you, my little man.</p><p>Hermione and Ron visited you yesterday with a bouquet of Goldenrods. Your aunt must have picked them since your uncle has about as much knowledge about flowers as your other father. And they were fitting, too — Goldenrods, also known as Solidagos, mean ‘support after loss of a loved one’. And that you are, Scorpius — so, so loved. I think our arrangement this year will have Tea Roses — they mean ‘we’ll remember you always and forever’. Our baby boy.</p><p>A lot has happened here since I last wrote to you. Ron and Hermione discovered they were better off as friends, after all. (I called it before, Harry wouldn’t want to believe me.) And now, your uncle Blaise seems to be spending more and more time in London, and in your aunt’s flat in particular. Interesting development, I’m sure you agree, but not an unwelcome one. We spent Christmas together, all of us — your Daddy Harry and I, Ron, Hermione, little Rose, Blaise and Aunt Luna. If last Christmas was a disaster and I couldn’t even leave the house, this one was at least tolerable. We had a good time and I got to hold your little cousin Rose which I hadn’t been able to bring myself to do before.</p><p>Your (and mine, now that I think about it) cousin Teddy will be leaving for Hogwarts in a couple of months, and I know it will be difficult for your Daddy Harry. Even though Teddy doesn’t live with us, he is still a constant houseguest and brings a lot of life and laughter to our otherwise quiet home. He would have been such a good almost-brother for you, I know it. He would have taught you all kinds of mischief.</p><p>I think it’s nearly time for us to go visit you now, and after that Harry and I will go to the cinema — a Muggle entertainment I have come to enjoy a lot as it gives me other things to think about aside from the mess in my head. And I also like the popcorn, oddly enough, but it’s a hard pass for that poison Harry calls Coca-Cola.</p><p>Once again, I light a candle under the canvas in which your constellation is painted - and think of you. </p><p>Nothing else but my unconditional love,</p><p>Daddy Draco</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p><i>Ma petite étoile</i> means “my little star”. And yes, to those who speak French, it was pointed out to me that <i>étoile</i> is a feminine noun but for the sake of this fic, let’s ignore it and just think of it as a cute French pet name.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. 2010</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>12 May 2010</em>
</p><p>Happy Birthday, our dear Scorpius!</p><p>A year has passed once again, and it hasn’t been a quiet one. We have entered a new decade, so it should be ‘out with the old and in with the new’. And it has been, in good as well as in bad.</p><p>As it has been for years now, Uncle Ron and Aunt Luna work together at Hogwarts and so, between Ron’s flying lessons and Quidditch, and Luna’s escapades finding new magical creatures and teaching about them, they also found each other. I am happy for them — really, I am — but at the same time, there’s something else that prevents my happiness. Something that often makes me angry, and even scared.</p><p>You see, your Daddy Harry has brought up a wish for a baby sister or brother for you. But how can I even consider it when I’m still in despair after losing you? I admit, there are more tolerable days than completely awful ones, now, but how could I ever even try to replace you? Nothing and no one will ever be like you, <em>ma petite étoile</em>, our first baby, our first son.</p><p>We have had quite a few arguments about this. Or, I’m not sure if they really are arguments. It’s more like Harry bringing it up in what he thinks is a careful way and me yelling at him, calling him a heartless bastard and locking myself up in your nursery. But you see, I am so scared. What if I have the baby and resent them? What if I only compare them to you? What if we, by having a new baby, somehow forget about you? I can never, NEVER, let myself forget you. </p><p>Perhaps you think I’m crazy. Sometimes I feel like I <em>am</em>. And then I have the same argument with myself (and Harry) all over again. If my parents had lost me and had these same thoughts, I would have liked them to try again — not to forget or replace me, but to bring another, totally different human being to the world. Someone who, after that much sorrow, could give them happiness. Maybe you think the same, but how can I know? And the funny thing is, if you had been here with us now, I think we would really consider trying for a new sibling for you.</p><p>Well, enough with the heavy for now. Your Daddy Harry and I will both be turning 30 in a couple of months, and I’ve been thinking about some sort of surprise for Harry to cheer him up. I know he thinks about you all the time, too, especially when we are around little Rose and other children. I can see it in his eyes, how he longs to have our baby in his arms, to have them babbling and learning to walk through a series of falling on their bum and us healing little bumps on their head when they crash into the coffee table. I’d love to get his thoughts away from it, even if just for a moment.</p><p>I’d like us to celebrate our thirties together instead of having two separate parties within such a short time. I’m sure I can come up with something — after all, I’m the one with the imagination in this relationship. I love your Daddy Harry, but he’s as predictable as they come. I love him so, so much though — so much more than myself, that’s for sure — and I hope he knows it, no matter how tough it gets sometimes. I know I can be a handful on a good day and a basket-full of awful on the worst of them. But he helps me through it all, holding me when I can’t even talk because I’m crying too much, bringing me the darkest chocolate he can find when I’m too weak to even get out of bed, and generally does everything to help me. I would like to think that I’m able to help him too. I think I’ll team up with Hermione for this, and I’ll tell you everything next year.</p><p>I hope you like the flowers we brought today. They are Zinnias, and they convey longing which I feel — now more than ever. (Even if I’m not ready to admit to myself what it is that I’m longing for. But you know me.)</p><p>Lighting a candle and hoping it will bring me some of the courage I know you would have,</p><p>Your Daddy Draco</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. 2011</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>12 May 2011</em>
</p><p><em>Bonjour mon étoile</em>,</p><p>I don’t even know where to start. Or how. Or when. </p><p>At the same time, I’m over the moon and so, so scared. The past is still haunting me, yet I finally look to the future with hope and joy. </p><p>I guess there’s no better way to tell you this. <em>Tu vas être grand frère!</em> I still can’t believe it, even though I have hoped, deep down, and sometimes even felt it before today. Especially when I’m hugging the toilet at six in the morning or snapping at Harry about leaving his socks on the floor. (Well, truth be told, that last bit doesn’t differ much from my normal behaviour, but this time, suddenly, the socks seemed like a much bigger deal.)</p><p>I’m so happy. In March, when Aunt Hermione and Uncle Blaise told us they were expecting their first child, I felt… worthless. There she is, about to have a second child, while I have nothing but sadness bordering on desperation, a stillborn son and a hoping-for-a-miracle Harry. Sure, we hadn’t even been trying again that long, but I knew in my gut that I wasn’t pregnant yet — if I would ever be again. </p><p>I know I told you in my last letter, that I still was very unsure about our future regarding children or being pregnant again. But during the autumn, I found myself thinking about it daily. All the good and the bad — and every possible scenario in between — were happening one after the other in my head. By the time Christmas rolled around, I knew what my Christmas gift for Harry would be. First thing in the morning on Christmas Day, I got the present from under the tree and gave it to Harry. Normally, when it’s been just the two of us, we don’t even exchange the presents until after dinner and so he was a bit confused and a tad hesitant to open the box. But open it he did, and then, I swear to you Scorpius, he gave me the brightest smile anyone can receive and hugged and kissed me silly. Yes, perhaps you’ve guessed it already; it was the fertility potion. I was ready to try again and, of course, Harry had to be the first one to know.</p><p>After that, it was suddenly a very happy Christmas indeed.</p><p>The test could have been done a month ago, but my fear suddenly came back, stronger than ever. What if… What if I wasn’t able to... again? Would we survive it? Wouldn’t it be best to just hope without knowing? To not be crushed again? But today, in honour of your birthday, I decided to just do it and have the Healer perform the spell. And it was positive. I am 8 weeks pregnant. </p><p>Harry and I have agreed on not telling anyone yet. Not for another month, since after 12 weeks everything should be safer. You are the first one to know, of course, and I know you’ll keep our secret. I’m afraid that I, until the 12-week mark, will be quite a nightmare for Harry, but he’ll handle it (me) as he always does. I am truly the luckiest man alive to have a husband like your Daddy Harry.</p><p>Hermione just started showing some time ago (her due date is in November) and I checked myself in the mirror too, but there’s not much of anything yet, unfortunately. Maybe something little, or maybe I just ate too much ice cream last night. I can’t seem to recall exactly when you made your presence known, but I remember that once you did, you got so big, and so fast. I guess it’s only to be expected this time, too.</p><p>On my way back from St. Mungos, I stopped to get you your yearly birthday flowers. White Heathers, which is a bit of a selfish choice since it symbolises ‘protection and wishes to come true’. I’m sure you’ll understand. It has been four years and not one day goes by that I don’t think of you. But maybe now, I’ll have some happier thoughts, too. We love you, and we always will.</p><p>And oh, I totally forgot (no, I didn’t really) — you won’t have just a sister or a brother. You’ll have both. </p><p>With all the love my expanding heart and belly could ever hold,</p><p>Daddy (of three to-be) Draco</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>27 December 2011</em>
</p><p>Happy Christmas and New Year, Scorpius!</p><p>I know, this letter comes at an unusual time, but I don’t care! Your brother and sister are finally here and dear Merlin, but they didn’t let me off easy. I’m still sore and in pain sometimes, but it doesn’t matter one bit — they are here! This is the first moment in three days that I’ve had even a bit of time to myself without your Daddy Harry hovering over me. I loaded him with our bundles of joy and made myself comfortable on the bed to write to you.</p><p>How do you feel about being a big brother?</p><p>I was so scared, Scorpius, especially at the beginning of the pregnancy. Every little twinge made me almost panic, and the closer I got to my due date, the more anxious and tearful I became. I had the strangest cravings — vanilla ice cream with chocolate sauce and french fries (although, Harry tells me it’s what Muggles eat in McDonald's all the time, pregnant or not), pumpkin pasties with mustard, and foie gras with syrup on top. I think, sometimes, Harry even had to leave the room. Weird. Way to be supportive and all that. Although I had support from Hermione while Blaise and Harry, and sometimes Ron, too, were playing Quidditch - we most definitely enjoyed our time and our mutual love for peas and peanut butter on toast.</p><p>I (and I guess Daddy Harry, too) had a bit of a hard time trying to decide on good names for your new siblings. We wanted to honour tradition while, at the same time, making our own. And of course, we had to meet them first — you can’t name a baby without knowing who they are and what they look like! But the night after the birth, when I was awake alone, bottle feeding the babies with Harry drooling on his pillow next to us, the perfect names came to me.</p><p>So, please welcome to the family: Oden Sirius Potter-Malfoy and Idunn Cassia Potter-Malfoy.</p><p>Quite unusual names, I know, but so are they, so it seemed fitting. Oden and Idunn spring from Norse mythology, a subject that has always been close to my heart ever since that Ancient Runes project I did in my final year of school. Oden is the God of all Gods and Idunn is the Goddess associated with youth and spring. Sirius is a name honouring my ancestors’ tradition of celestial roots as it is a star (just like you and I are named after constellations!) and also the name of Harry’s late godfather. Meanwhile, Cassia, a very beautiful flower, continues the tradition of floral names from your grandmothers.</p><p>I know you’d be the best big brother to Oden and Idunn, <em>ma petite étoile</em>, and I still mourn the fact that you can’t be here with us every day. But I do believe that you are present in your brother and sister, and without you, they wouldn’t be here. You’re up there looking after us, and I think we’ll be fine. </p><p>We think about you every day and love you forever,</p><p>Your family</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p><i>Tu vas être grand frère!</i> means “You’ll be a big brother!”</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. 2012</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>12 May 2012</em>
</p><p>My dear son,</p><p>Once again, it’s time for another birthday letter to you. Oden and Idunn are finally asleep in their cots next to me and Harry is busy making dinner. We have invited your uncle Blaise and aunt Hermione, their little Henry, and of course Rose, too. Even Ron and Luna have found the time to grace us with their presence (although Luna admittedly constitutes more of their spiritual presence than Ron). Aunt Andromeda and not-so-little Teddy are coming as well — it’s Saturday so it was possible for Teddy to come from Hogwarts and spend some time with us.</p><p>Our family. Unusual, obnoxious and loud — but it’s the family we have chosen for ourselves and who have chosen us in turn. Nothing is more important to me than that.</p><p>Hermione and I grew quite close during our shared pregnancy time — it’s not easy keeping your distance when you are fighting over who gets the last chocolate frog and pleading with your ever-so-patient partners to get you ice cream before <em>and</em> after a full-course dinner. She gave birth to an energetic baby boy about a month before my due date, and I think Blaise is still in shock about the whole going-to-be-a-family-man thing, considering the never-ending string of women he had going on before falling bum over teakettle for Hermione. You should have seen his expression when faced with a dirty nappy for the first time — he almost fled all the way back to Italy. Not to mention, when dear Henry peed on him a while later... But he’s getting better and that’s all that matters, I suppose.</p><p>Your baby brother and sister are almost five months old now, and we fall in love with them even more every passing day. They look so similar and yet they couldn’t be more different. Oden is very quiet and happy all by himself, and Idunn is happy only when she’s the centre of everyone’s attention. And despite being non-identical twins and born almost at the same minute, they always eat with an hour between them (Idunn first and Oden an hour later) and subsequently do everything else within that same time frame, too. Sleeping, pooping, waking, crying. It’s truly a blessing both of us can be at home most of the time since twins are a full-time, all day everyday kind of work. My writing can wait until a more opportune time, and Harry’s taken an extended paternity leave from St. Mungos for at least a year, maybe even two or three. We both want to be home and present for all the firsts — when they learn to roll over, when they start babbling, maybe even their first words (which better be something other than ‘mommy’, even if I know Harry calls me that behind my back).</p><p>It’s our sixth anniversary soon, and Ron and Luna have offered to take the twins for the evening but I’m not all that sure I can be separated from them yet. It’s not that I don’t trust them, but… our children need to be with us, right? </p><p>These six years with Harry have been the most perfect time of my life though, even with all the desperation and sorrow, and it should be celebrated appropriately. If it’s even possible, I love him more and more every day. He’s been my rock, my never-ending and constantly loving support. He’s the best father any child could ask for and I never want to spend a single day without him. I don’t tell him often enough and he needs to know this too. Although, he knows me well, better than anyone, so perhaps he’s already aware.</p><p>We visited you earlier today, and for the first time, Oden and Idunn got to meet their brother too, which makes us miss you even more. We’ve told them about you, of course, so they know they have a big brother. They most certainly don’t understand it yet, but we talk about you all the same.</p><p>Together, we laid a bouquet of Orchids for you and looked to the sky, wishing you a happy birthday. </p><p>I love you and I always will,</p><p>Your Daddy Draco</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Orchids mean “many children”.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. 2013</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>12 May 2013</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Buon sesto compleanno Scorpius! </em>
</p><p>And greetings from Milan!</p><p>Yes, I’m writing this in Italy, where we are visiting your grandparents in their villa. Harry and the twins are having fun in the swimming pool while I escaped the noise by going into the study to write to you. Oden and Idunn are now nearly 17 months old and rowdier than ever (that’s more Idunn than Oden, though), which amuses Harry to no end and frightens my parents a bit — those babies have never heard of Malfoy Grace, I can assure you that. Mother’s house-elf, Diddy, is having her hands full around the clock, as are we all. Idunn is already toddling and Oden would be capable, too, but he likes to sit on his bum and look around more than follow his energetic sister. They both talk a bit, too, or babble more like. Again, Idunn has more to say than her brother, but they both do talk. Their first words? Idunn said ‘papa’ and Oden’s word of choice was ‘milk’. Each to their own, we thought and laughed a lot.</p><p>Mother and Father have made a very comfortable home for themselves here, and so when Harry and I decided that a holiday was very much called for, we organised an international Portkey and whisked ourselves here. Here, where summer is already in full swing, the sun is shining and everything seems cheerful. Not to mention the food, of course! We have made the most of the luxury of having babysitters around and have had authentic Italian style dinners. Harry is an excellent cook, but these Italians — out of this world. </p><p>I never told you about the Christening, did I? Merlin, what a circus it was. All our family was there — Hermione and Blaise along with Rose and Henry, of course; Ron and Luna; all the other Weasleys with spouses and children; Andromeda and Teddy (with pink hair to celebrate); my parents, too; and fairly many other people, as well. We did invite Pansy and Neville, too, but they were busy terrorising the American fashion industry (that would be Pansy) and discovering new plants and herbs (that would <em>not</em> be Pansy).</p><p>Surprisingly, the time has done its duty and everyone got along fairly nicely. It’s said babies do that to people, strangely enough. The twins were absolutely not impressed with having cold water drizzled over their heads (who would be, though?) and threw a proper tantrum which made my mother and Molly reminisce about some other bad-behaving babies. (Not me, I’m sure). In the end, Oden and Idunn were named properly and, all in all, it was a nice gathering, if fairly tiring for the twins (and their parents, too). </p><p>Along with the exceptional food, the greenery here is almost like no other, and from your grandmother’s garden I picked you yellow Zinnias this time; it means ‘daily remembrance’ and not a day goes by that we don’t think of you. <em>Ti amo</em>, Scorpius.</p><p>With all my love,</p><p>Daddy Draco</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. 2014</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>12 May 2014</em>
</p>
<p>My dear Son,</p>
<p>Happy 7th birthday! </p>
<p>Time sure goes by like a bunch of fireflies. Another year has gone by, and it has been a good one for us. The twins are now 2,5 years old and always on the move. Oden was a bit slow to start walking in the beginning, but now all they do is run around, normally chased by me or Harry, laughing and being extremely mobile and surprisingly hard to catch for their age. I’ve been trying to reason with Harry about getting a house-elf, but to no avail. I’m going to keep trying, though. He, on the other hand, has started talking about a magical nursery school where they could meet children their own age, but I’m still hesitant to let them out of my sight unless it’s someone we know and trust implicitly. </p>
<p>Teddy has been with us, too, when he’s not at Hogwarts — last Summer, over Christmas and also for his Easter break a little over a month ago. The twins like him a lot and are so very fascinated about his ability to change his appearance, so he makes a terrific babysitter. The only downside (according to our double terrors) is the fact that they can’t do it themselves (and luckily Teddy’s abilities only apply to himself) since Idunn is hell-bent on having green hair with pink and turquoise highlights. (Un)fortunately, she has to wait until she’s of age (if you ask me) to commit such travesty. I already told Harry to steel himself for when she comes pleading about it. Oden isn’t much interested in his appearance, but he’s told us he’d like to have a beak instead of a nose. Luckily, that’s not possible either.</p>
<p>Speaking of children, there’s more on the way! Last October, during our annual Hallow’s Eve get-together, Ron and Luna announced their first child, and their due date is very close actually; they expect the baby to be here before Summer Solstice. They didn’t want to know the sex beforehand so it will be a surprise — although, Luna said her Blibbering Humdingers know it already. I guess we’ll know for sure soon enough.</p>
<p>All in all, we are happy. More than happy, actually. I now have everything I’ve ever dreamt of — Harry, a family, friends, safety, and a home. Well, the home is actually a bit of an issue right now since I want to start searching for a bigger house, something more suitable for a family with children, but Harry seems dead set on staying in this flat forever. I can’t for the life of me figure why. Wouldn’t a nice house somewhere be a much better choice? I don’t even need a manor, just a proper garden, more than two bedrooms, maybe a little gazebo, a Quidditch pitch… Hell, anything we want really. This is something I won’t give up on, though. This is not a family home, but a place for bachelors or newly-weds. Which we’re not since we have our 8th anniversary in a couple of weeks, thank you very much.</p>
<p>This year I’ll visit you alone because the twins have a bit of a cold right now and Harry has offered to stay home and try to keep two stuffy-nosed and extremely unhappy babies in their cots.</p>
<p>I hope you like blue Violets. They symbolise watchfulness which means that we’ll always be here, remembering you, and you’ll be there watching over us. Because not a day goes by that I won’t speak to you, about anything and everything. My greatest wish is that you would be able to reply.</p>
<p><em>Je t’aime, ma petite étoile</em>,</p>
<p>Daddy Draco</p>
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<a name="section0008"><h2>8. 2015</h2></a>
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    <p>
  <em>12 May 2015</em>
</p><p>Scorpius,</p><p>Can you please enlighten me as to why your other parent seems to want us to live in this miniature home forever? I’m seriously annoyed now, and have been for a while. Harry insists that him going back to work requires him to actually be working from 8 a.m. to 6 p.m. every day and when he gets home, he is too tired to even think about deciding what to eat for dinner, let alone actually looking for a house or eventually moving into one.</p><p>And even worse, I’m fairly sure he’s keeping secrets from me.  I just know he’s up to something, and as much as I love surprises, I would rather a lot like to know what’s going on. I trust Harry enough to know it can’t be too bad, but I would still like to be informed. Any suggestions on how to worm myself into his head? He has learned way too much Occlumency for me to just sneak in. Luckily, Oden and Idunn keep me busy during the day so I don’t have too much time to obsess over it.</p><p>Pansy and Neville have finally returned to the right side of the pond and made themselves a home in a flat on Diagon. Pansy has taken over the fashion section of Witch Weekly and Neville works as a consultant for every apothecary and potions shop in their needs for various plants and such. They seem very happy (What are the odds? I think we were all very surprised those two found each other) and I hear even Neville’s grandmother has finally accepted Pansy at her dinner table, which Neville seems very relieved by. Five years of snide remarks and open contempt gets old very quickly. I should know.</p><p>Ron and Luna’s first child was born not long after my last letter. Luna was adamant she would give birth at home, surrounded by Freshwater Plimpies and so she did, at five in the morning, to a very small boy they decided to call Humbert. Despite his size, he’s got very healthy lungs and such an appetite (after his father, I’m sure) that he makes it look like Oden and Idunn are on a strict diet.</p><p>Speaking of our double trouble, they gave us a right scare last autumn when they both got Dragon Pox from that blasted nursery Harry convinced me to let our children go to. Thankfully, after a very long week with not much sleep for any of us, they finally responded to the treatment and started to get better which meant very loud cries and refusal to be anywhere but in our laps. I’ve had the Pox as a child and Harry has been vaccinated against it when he started his Healer training, but the twins hadn’t been vaccinated yet. Fortunately, there were no lasting effects, the green hue went away after a while, as did all the other symptoms. We have now made sure, though, that every child in our vicinity has been vaccinated, along with the adults.</p><p>Oh, Harry seems to be home now. I hear his humming all the way in here, and so do the children if their excited shrieks are anything to go by. Maybe today will be the day I finally get his secret out of him when he’s distracted with feeding the hungry. Wish me luck. </p><p>This year’s flowers are a very selfish choice: Christmas Roses which mean ‘tranquillize my anxiety’. Merlin knows I need it. But writing to you always calms me down, and nowadays it even brings me joy and happiness instead of sadness and overwhelming grief. I finally think that everything is going to be okay.</p><p>I will keep you with me for all eternity and love you even longer,</p><p>Your father</p>
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<a name="section0009"><h2>9. 2016</h2></a>
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  <em>12 May 2016</em>
</p><p>Scorpius,</p><p>Do you remember me telling you about Harry acting strange? Well, you'll never guess… Your Daddy Harry is very devious, indeed, keeping secrets, sneaking around and altogether being the best husband anyone could ever ask for. For over a year now, he’s been slipping off to Godric’s Hollow where he’s been renovating — or rather, completely transforming — his parents’ old cottage and turning it into our dream house.</p><p>We just moved in not long ago, and I still have trouble believing it’s not just a dream. It has five bedrooms, four baths, a proper garden and play area for the kids, a grand kitchen, a sitting room and even a dining room (Although, Harry insists eating can be done in the kitchen, but how about dinner parties?). And he did it all for me! Or for us, I suppose, but I know the children only care about the garden and the play area so I guess the rest of it really is for me. I’m floored. Even after all these years, the amount of love your other father showers me with is baffling.</p><p>Speaking of years and love, our 10th anniversary is coming up. I can’t believe it has been ten years since we stood on the lawn of Malfoy Manor (when your grandparents still lived there, before moving to Italy) and promised that we do, in sickness and in health, in good and bad times, through high and low. And how true has it been… We’ve made it through all and I want to celebrate it properly. Since this new house was Harry’s anniversary present for me, I’ve already asked Ron and Luna to come and stay in our house with little Humbert, taking care of the twins while I whisk Harry away to New York. I know he’s never been there, and neither have I, and this is the perfect opportunity, don’t you think? Walking around Times Square, eating in the best restaurants, shopping (or rather, I shop while Harry sighs loudly and looks longingly out of the window) and generally just spending time together. Alone together. I have booked a suite with a built-in hot tub and a glorious view of the city. I can’t wait! </p><p>Harry knows nothing of this plan, of course, so I have to pack his things and hide them somewhere for a bit. (Believe me, it’s better this way. A t-shirt and jeans are <em>still</em> not a proper choice for a 5-course dinner.) He won’t notice, though, since all his most ratty Gryffindor t-shirts and hole-y joggers will stay firmly in place. He insists he keeps them for gardening only, but then I find him in the garden, on his knees, wearing whatever he was wearing at the moment inspiration for weeding hit him.</p><p>Idunn and Oden are growing so fast — too fast if you ask me. Just yesterday, they were teeny-weeny babies with Harry’s hair and my nose, and now they are becoming their own individuals; Oden is still mostly “reading” his picture books and learning to bake cookies and treacle tart with Harry, while Idunn runs around the house with her favourite stuffed Niffler she calls Nifly and her Barbies.  (How a plastic doll shaped like an adult can ever be considered a child’s toy, I’ll never know.) Harry is even teaching them how to garden, so at least they are learning something I’m sure my mother approves of. Although our garden looks nothing like hers, I can tell you that. </p><p>I have taken some time every other day to write again. I’ve been trying to keep up with Potions Monthly all this time and there’s so much new happening in the area,  it makes my fingers itch to start brewing again myself. Yes, we have a lab in this house as well — Scorpius, your Daddy Harry really thinks of everything, you’d never tell from just looking at him — but for now it’s still untouched, apart from me brewing the occasional headache relievers and other, more adult things. That reminds me, I’ll have to consult with my dear husband about growing something useful in our garden as well, aside from the weeds and the wildflowers.</p><p>The flowers we’ll bring you today, though, are indeed from our own garden. Orange Blossoms, which convey ‘eternal love, marriage and fruitfulness’. We are happy, and I hope with all my heart that you are, too, wherever you may be. <em>Je t’aime, ma petite étoile</em>.</p><p>With our house and my heart full of love for all my children,</p><p>Daddy Draco</p>
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<a name="section0010"><h2>10. 2017</h2></a>
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    <p>
  <em>12 May 2017</em>
</p><p>My son Scorpius,</p><p>Today would be your 10th birthday and following a very old and prestigious Malfoy tradition, you would have gotten your first real broom today. When talking about traditions, this is the only one your daddy Harry is a full supporter of, which I’m sure is of no surprise to you, just as it isn’t to me. All the others he would happily ignore, like the uncultured heathen he is. But he knows his brooms, as do I, and so you would’ve found your first real broomstick in that pile of presents. The <em>Firebolt Extraordinaire</em> was just launched not long ago, and while it’s not necessarily the first one that comes to mind when searching a reliable broom for your child, it is the best, and that’s enough said about that.</p><p>Your grandparents are visiting us at the moment, which is unusual. Normally, they prefer to remain on their own domain and have us come to them, but this time Mother insisted she needed a proper Afternoon Tea and a bit of shopping in London. After all, there’s only one Harrods and it is not located in Italy. Father just rolls his eyes and prefers to stay inside and look after Oden and Idunn, which is perfectly fine since it allows us to honour your birthday by going flying tonight when it’s dark and your stars can be seen in the sky. I hope you come to see us, too. Andromeda will come by to visit her sister as well, now that they’ve reconciled and found each other again. About time, I think. Nothing is more important than family. Even my father is a firm believer of that, regardless of his actions sometimes.</p><p>Harry has been back at work for one or two days a week (now that he’s actually working and not building secret houses for me) to help those in need at St Mungo’s (and feel needed and helpful, I know my husband). I hear that the pediatric ward and its staff have been missing him, and that’s no surprise — he’s indisputably the best Healer they have. On the days Harry is home, I have been working a bit, too. Potions Quarterly has reached out to me and asked if I would write them a feature about a more effective cure for Dragon Pox, something I slowly and quietly started thinking about after the twins got sick. It’s a huge honour, of course, and I’ll do my best to deliver an article of high quality. Truth be told, I’ve been a bit eager to get some actual work done outside of raising and caring for our family. I consider it my “me-time”, and I think it’s important as well as healthy.</p><p>Your uncle Ron and aunt Luna finally tied the knot last autumn, and the wedding was as weird as it was beautiful — it’s Luna, after all. And oh, their honeymoon undoubtedly did its trick since they are expecting again. It is a bit quick, Humbert is only three, but at least they don’t have that much of an age difference and will attend Hogwarts together. They will surely have a full house soon — Rose is staying with them a fair bit now that Hermione is busier than ever.</p><p>They haven’t been the only ones active in our circle. Your aunt Hermione was appointed the youngest Chief Warlock of Wizengamot and Blaise has opened his first store in Diagon Alley. (After all, his fashion sense has always been the second-best I’ve ever known.) To support him, Harry and I now have new bespoke formal robes, and they fit like a glove. He is truly talented and I am very pleased for him.</p><p>In light of all these changes in our lives, I’ve picked a bunch of White Violets from our garden for you today in preparation for our annual visit to you. They symbolise ‘the courage of taking a chance when offered’, and that’s what life is often about. I will never regret taking a chance with Harry, and we wouldn’t be the same without you. No regrets, none, ever.</p><p>I love you,</p><p>Your Daddy Draco</p>
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<a name="section0011"><h2>11. 2018</h2></a>
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    <p>
  <em>12 May 2018</em>
</p>
<p>Scorpius,</p>
<p>You turn 11 today, which means you would have gone to Hogwarts this year. I often wonder which house you would’ve been sorted into — Gryffindor after Harry or Slytherin after me? Or maybe Ravenclaw? Or Hufflepuff, like Teddy? It doesn’t matter really, of course, since every quality imaginable can be found in every person, regardless of which house they’ve been sorted into. You are your own person, not a carbon copy of your parents or grandparents, and that’s the way it should be. As your father, I would never tell you or your siblings what you have to be or what you need to do — it’s up to you to decide what is it you want out of life. The only thing Harry and I wish for is our children’s happiness, wherever it may be found.</p>
<p>What crosses my mind just as often as your potential Hogwarts House is your character. Would you have a temper like us, a love for potions and not so much for rules? Maybe less Quidditch and more studying in the library? Or would you have been charming the pants off of every witch and/or wizard in Hogwarts when you got older? It comforts me to think about these things. It keeps you with me, very close to the surface.</p>
<p>Idunn and Oden are now six and a half years old and enjoying every day to the fullest. From Monday to Friday they spend a couple of hours in the Wee Wizards and Witches Primary School making friends and generally just having a good time doing things children should do - Oden even knows how to read already and has taken the duty of reading their bedtime stories for himself and his sister. Meanwhile, I work on my writing and brewing and Harry slaves away in the hospital. At dinner time, we all sit together at the same table and chat about our days while Harry and I are also trying to stop food wars and prevent temper tantrums about the food and everything else imaginable. At the weekends, we sometimes go to Diagon Alley to shop for necessities and visit Fortescue’s (and <em>Toys and Trolls,</em> too, if the twins get to decide) or the children might have some friends over for a playdate in the garden. All in all, our life is simple and filled with routine and I’m finding myself enjoying it immensely. Some might call it boring, but I’d like to see them try to survive everything we have ever since we were children before telling us that. I love my children, my Harry and my life. </p>
<p>The 20th Anniversary of the Battle of Hogwarts was held a bit over a week ago, and we were, of course, invited and attended, as were a lot of our family and friends. It’s always a bittersweet date to all of us, but this year things finally seemed a bit more cheerful and happy — like enough time has passed to fade most of the sorrow to make room for fond memories about the lost and loved ones. Time does what it’s supposed to, I think, for all of us.</p>
<p>The flowers for you today are extra meaningful. They are Lily of the Valleys and guess what they stand for? ‘Return to happiness’.</p>
<p>Which is really fitting, since you’re about to become a big brother once more.</p>
<p>With all our love, now and forever,</p>
<p>Daddy Draco, Daddy Harry, Oden and Idunn</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Draco will continue to write Scorpius on his birthday even after his 11th birthday.</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thousand times thank you for anyone who read this, and I hope you got something out of it. I’d love to hear it in the comments, and any kudos gives me more minutes to my life expectancy.</p><p>Thank you for reading! Please show the author your appreciation in a comment and by leaving kudos  below. ♥</p><p>This story is part of the on-going and anonymous H/D Mpreg fest. The author will be revealed June 21st.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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